A thought about beeing humble, or not

For the last couple of months, I have to say, quite a few e-mails have entered my inbox, but now it seems quite empty. Today - Just one mail, a junk mail. I didn't even read it! That is so depressing, and the most depressing thing is that I'm now confessing that I feel depressed about it, that is even more depressing. How is this going to end?

I think I know what my problem is, it's my friends, and me. The thing is that I know a lot of people, it doesn't matter where I am, there is always someone I know there. It feels like that anyway, sometimes that is really annoying because it feels like everyone knows everything about everyone, and about me! But, as I said the thing is that I know a lot of people, but just a few of them are actually my friends, I mean people that you actually care about and trust. Maybe I have lost a couple of them (and that wasn't very long ago since that happened), maybe because of my stupidity, or because of their stupidity. So why can't I just be as "normal" as other people are? That is a good question, which I know have more than just one an answer.

Right now  are none, NONE, of my friends at home, Everyone is away, at their girlfriend/boyfriend parents' place, abroad, at a very important place (that might sound a little bit cryptic). And here I am, sitting at home like an old lady, it's just the cats that are missing, and the needlework in my lap. It's tragical. At least I'm drinking a coke with ice, not a cup of tea with milk.

But why am I so stupid?, why don't I just stick with the friends that I have had for the last "years"? (After a second thought it seems like the friends I have now, have I just know for a year or so, because of some reason). I'm good at one thing, and that is personal development, and I know that I can be quite intense, and many find that irritating . At least I am aware of that, and something can hopefully be done about it.

Humble is a good word, I think I should try to be even more humble and get a more humble attitude, to the world, and to myself. Maybe all I want is someone who I can give all my love to. Gosh that was really honest! Full stop!