I thought it was a while since I took some photos of myself. Some people say it's egoistic, but I think it's kind of fun.
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
I'm thankful for so much. We don't even celebrate Thanksgiving. That I live on my own and not with my parents, that I have a job until Christmas (even though I don't like it), that I have a car, that I know people who care, that I know that because of some of them I will have it even better next year at this time because that is what I have decided - and they have to be patient because I can be a pain in the a** sometimes. I'm thankful because I have an education, that I'm in school and that I don't have to pay for the education, that I live in Sweden, that I'm healthy and ten thousand other things. I think I have to see what I wrote last year..
My gosh it was such long time since I added photos. iI have to be better on taking photos more often. Before I did I guess I haven't had time to do that now. But things are about to change, that is good. I have moved around the furniture in my apartment so now I feel "at home" feels good. The video is kind of crappy so there is two photos too as you can see..
I feel so different, like everything before "now" is soo awkward that I dont even want to think about it. I realize I look different too. My hair is so long that 'I almost have to have it cut, and it's darker too, besides that I really have to do something about it because.. hahah! I could look better..I won't even show you
I saw a ferris wheel, I love them. And then I bought a new skirt on H&M 149kr, really cheap. What did I do next? The company for which I work for had "forgot" tp pay my salary, wasn't the first time. Since Christmas is in this month I don't work as much as I have done, that means less money. I realized that I had no money at all, because I had to buy contact lenses and then I had to go to the dentist, and fix my car so I had to take a loan (studie lån). That is possible because I study and you can do that to finance your studied, the interest charge is not high at all, and like 99.9% of all students take this loan. I just haven't done that because I was working, but that almost takes too much energy I mean to go to school during the days and work in the evenings. Or maybe I should say I have realized that now. My job wasn't even well paid 3300kr/month that is like 100kr/hour = 14,5 $ or 480$/month - You can't live on that.
I found this "hand" that I got from my sister.. I think it was last year. I kind of like it. When I was at my grandma's last week she asked my dad and me if we couldn't go down in the basement to check if it smelled like bad in there (she is selling her house and wanted to know, and didn't dare to go down there herself), and so we did. My god! we went through that hole, that was like insane. Haha! Looks like a dungeon!
And to end this I REALLY like this candy, like the color and the taste. I try not to think of what it's made of..:)
Ok, so I watched this movie (500 days of summer). Not exactely the best movie I have ever seen, but it was kind of good anyway. I liek happy endings and in some way this movie has one, but it's kind of a gray movie, and I don't like that. I know the color serves a meaning. It's like watching Twilight (I DON'T like that movie) I mean it's like walking in the rain on a really cloudy day. Maybe it depends on your mood if you like it or not.
Anyway, this girl summer really made me angry in some weird way, and that guy too, I don't remember his name. I mean the first thing she says is that she doesn't want a serious lasting relationship, even though that is what he Want, he doesn't say it. Later she dumps him, or course, and he is devastated. But what did he think? That must be something that leads many relationships to an end - When a couple doesn't want the same thing and aren't really willing to discuss it either. Of course she found another guy and they got married (the not-good-type of guy if you see to (I still don't remember his name)'s opinion on it.
The funny thing is how the movie ends. He decides to get a job at some kind of arcitecht place and there he meets this girl (before that he has met summer and she tells him something like: "One day I woke up and realized that he had what I missed in you" and that you can't really choose who you are going to marry and everything just happens by coincidens..what if I hadn't been there just then, and what if I hadn't done that, it felt like it was coincidence and it felt very right). Then the narrator of the story says something like:
"You can’t describe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that’s all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence. There are no miracles. There is no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be."
I mean that is a pretty good line. It's so easy to think that everything is planned and that you don't have the power to change things and in some way make life what you want it to be. I could go on forever and complain about the words used in this quote, but I won't. Complaining too much is never good for you.
By the way, I really like that picture from the movie, I so want it to be summer now, please coincidence where are you?
“The truth isn’t the truth until people believe you, and they can’t believe you if they don’t know what you’re saying, and they can’t know what you’re saying if they don’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting unless you say things imaginatively, originally, freshly” (William Bernbach)
I have thought about this the entire day, but still I haven't come to some kind of conclusion, and I guess there is no correct answer, but I don't understand it. I have had a lot of things going on for a while now, almost too much. School work, work, school, different kind of things, you get it.
Now I realize that have been too much so I have to take it more easy. People are calling me all the time, and I know I sometimes have to say no, or maybe I should say: some of these people are calling me several times a day and it's kind of taking my energy to answer all these calls. That means that i have to say no, in the weekends I have to like do things I like because otherwise I don't have enough energy for all the things I do from Monday through Friday. That doesn't mean that I sleep through the weekend, but I don't want to work every singe day of the week. This means that I have to say no if someone for example ask me if I can help them with their computer. Ok, this is something I don't want to do, and it makes me tired, not happier at all, not even a better person, and I kind of know that this person wont be very thankful either. But If I do this to everyone, I'm not kind of used to it yet, how can I then trust others and believe that they will do things for me if I ask them?
I know you can't always say yes, and do things for others and get nothing in return, but I don't want to be egoistic, and how do I know if I am? At present I have a friend and it feels like I have done pretty much for her, and she has done pretty much for me, but still I feel like I can't trust her because she is always saying no in some kind of weird way even though she never say the word. And gosh, I don't want to be like that. How do you know where to draw the lines? I guess there is no answer, or there is, but there is more than just one.
Today a person I met at work accidentally slammed the door right in my head, I kind of bounced against the wall and it felt like my back twisted itself, I hope I wont have a huge bruise above my eye when I wake up tomorrow *laughing*. It had never happened to me before (just a note: The door was made of heavy steel) Hehe!
I think I know now, trust your gut feeling. It's not harder than that, no one can be perfect and if someone is really mad at you, you can only hope they will tell you about it.
Black Friday is the unofficial kickoff to the holiday shopping season. When are you planning on beginning your holiday shopping?
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I have started already. I have bought one present for my sister and I know what I'm going to buy for my mom, dad, Marcus and Kristoffer so I'm not stressed at all, what a relief! :) Oh now I realize I have to buy one more thing. I have to think about that :)
If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? What's keeping you from making that change?
If I could change one thing I would choose the thing of most importance, The thing that would make the sense to me. I need to focus. I can't walk through life as I do right now, doing hundreds of things. I have to choose one thing and focus on that. That is what I want to change about my life. Because I do so much I know so much about everything and that is not good. I won't have the energy, that I have now, forever. Things might change and I don't want to ruin myself because I didn't do something in time. I guess I have to decide what I want to focus on. The first thing I have to do is to do things for myself, read good books, watch movies that will put me in a good mood, eat things that I like, sleep longer in the morning, get a TV, watch TV and maybe some more stuff.
What's keeping you from making the change? I don't know is not a good answer, because I don't know means I know but I don't want to think about it, or I don't want to try to think about it, or I know but I don't wanna tell you. First I guess I have to find the root to the problem. Why am I doing all this stuff? Why do I read too many books that don't make happier? Why havn't I got a TV? Why do I feel like I have to do all this? Why can I just don't speed down a little. Because it would cause me to think about things that I don't want to think about? Why do I have to learn more? I don't have to learn more about everything, I have to learn more about the things that I'm going to focus on. Nothing is keeping me from making this change except from me, the good thing with that is that I can change. I'm going to try to slow down. To have one evening each week when I just do nothing. Nothing but wasting time on things that I like. No school or work stuff. I still don't know what is keeping me from doing this more in detail, maybe I have to think about that.
Ok! I don't know if I have come to some kind of conclusion. (I'm going to use weird words and I guess it might be difficult to understand what I'm trying to say) But at least I'm not as angry as I was yesterday. We had a seminar about "growing in meetings" "Väx i möten", (How you can grow as a person in meetings you have with people you meet in your daily life), that was what it was meant to be about, but the only thing the lecturer talked about was "deep meetings". That was too deep for me! I bet that people would say that I don't know anything about deep talk or meetings, but right now it feels like I have had enough! I'm not in the mood for deep talk or "deep meetings" that don't give me anything in return. That is very egoistic in some way, but true.
When it comes to the friends problem I think that I can do something, I can say what I feel. But sometimes that is hard, and not appropriate. Sometimes people that you know are in a bad mood, or more the-opposite-of-being-filled-with-energy than usual. I respect that. I do. I don't blame anyone even though it might seem like I do.
What I realized was that I was angry so I let that feeling come and go, and it worked so much better than it usually does. I'm not angry anymore. But my point is that I guss that I'm angry too often and that might be a reason to why I grid my teeth and have this jaw/ear problem. So now I have to investigate what this might be about. Since I have had this teeth/jaw problem for like 2 years it must be something old, but it started to get annoying and painful last October. So I guess I have to think about what I did then, hahah! It's crazy to think about things like this I know, haha!
The question is if I'm afraid of those deep meetings, because they are like gambling. You put something in and you can get something in return, but you can never be sure about that so that. I'm not afraid to lose anything, it's just that..hahah! I don't know. I don't think I have that problem, nope. Just in some situations. This has to be continued too..
